Scigolf - The Nineteenth Hole - Weird Golf Facts and Figures.

Golf Jokes III

A new lady golfer was on the first tee and asked the pro to tell her what to do.

The pro told her, "See that flag on the green, you have to hit your ball as close to it as you can."

The lady took a powerful swing and ball took off, landed on the green and rolled 4 inches from the hole.

She asked, "What do I do now"'

The pro answered, "Now you have to knock it into the hole."

The woman yelled, "Why didn't you tell me that before!"

A golfer is in a match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes. The golfer says to himself, "I'd give anything to sink this next putt."

A stranger walks up to him and whispers, "Would you give up a fourth of your sex life?"

The golfer thinks the man is crazy and that his answer will be meaningless. At the same time he thinks this might be a good omen, so he says, "Okay," and sinks the putt. Two holes later he mumbles to himself, "Boy, if I could only get an eagle on this hole."

The same stranger moves to his side and says, "Would it be worth another fourth of your sex life?"

The golfer shrugs and says, "Sure." He makes an eagle. On the final hole, the golfer needs yet another eagle to win. Though he says nothing, the stranger moves to his side and says, "Would you be willing to give up the rest of your sex life to win this match?"

The golfer says, "Certainly!" and makes the eagle.

As the golfer walks to the club house, the stranger walks alongside and says, "You know, I've really not been fair with you because you don't know who I am. I'm the devil, and from now on you will have no sex life."

"Nice to meet you," says the golfer. "I'm Father O'Malley."

My wife asked me why John and I don't play golf anymore.

I asked her "would you continue to play with a guy who always gets drunk, loses so many balls other groups are always playing through, tells lousy jokes while you are trying to putt and generally offends everyone around him on the course?"

"Certainly not, dear" she replied.

"Well, neither would John."

For James it was a masterly addressing the ball, a magnificent swing but somehow, something went wrong and a horrible slice resulted. The ball went onto the adjoining fairway and hit a man full force. He dropped!

James and his partner ran up to the stricken victim who lay, quite unconscious, with the ball between his feet.

"Good heavens" exclaimed James, "What shall I do?"

"Don't move him" said his partner, "if we leave him here he becomes an immovable obstruction and you can either play the ball as it lies or drop it two club lengths away."

Jim was sitting in the 19th hole one day looking kinda depressed. The bartender walked up to him and said," What is wrong Jim you look kinda down?"

"Well", Jim replied, "My golfing buddy for 40 years, Bob, had a heart attack on the 16th green today."

"Oh that must have been real hard on you, Jim", the bartender replied.

"Sure was", said Jim,'"All day long It was hit the ball, drag Bob, hit the ball, drag Bob."

A group of golfers were searching for one of there golf balls out in the deep rough.

After several minutes of laboring, the golfer who sliced his ball out into the trash declares he has found his ball, inciting another in his group to scream, "He is a damn liar! I have his ball in my pocket!"

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