Golf Jokes IV

It has been said that less than 1 hour after golf was invented in Scotland, the first golf joke was heard. Here are some samples from the Home of Golf.

An American went to Scotland and played golf with a newly acquainted Scottish golfer. After a bad tee shot, he played a "Mulligan" which was an extremely good one. He then asked the Scot, "What do you call a Mulligan in Scotland?"

"We call it hitting 3."

A Scot and an American were talking about playing golf during the various seasons of the year. "In most parts of the USA we cannot play in the winter time. We have to wait until spring," the Yank said. "Why, in Scotland we can even play in the winter time. Snow and cold are no object to us," said the Scot.

"Well, what do you do; paint your balls black," asked the American.

"No", said the Scot "we just put on an extra sweater or two."

There was a fine and aged caddie at this Golf Club in Scotland. His name was Willie. Old Willie, a genial soul, like to encourage the players who employed his as a caddie, by appreciative comments on the strokes they played.

One day, his player, took a huge swing with more energy and zeal than skillful guidance which went past the ball without hitting it. (We call it an air-shot).

And without fail, Old Willie, had some words of encouragement when he said, "That would have been a splendid shot, if ye had but hit the ball".

Two Scotsmen, Sandy and Angus, are playing golf one day and come upon a water hole. Sandy hits and sends one into the middle of the pond. He reaches into his bag and finds that he has no balls remaining. He asks Angus for a ball and promptly hits that one into the pond as well.

This goes on 3 or 4 more times and when he asks Angus for a 6th ball, Angus says, " Sandy these balls cost me a lot of money, "

Sandy replies, "Angus lad, if you can't afford to play the game, you should not be out here ".

While it is not generally accepted, there are some that believe that golf did not originate in Scotland. They base this assumption on the fact that no Scotsman would invent a game in which it was possible to lose a ball.

After hitting the ball into some of the worst rough he had ever seen, the American golfer said to his caddy, "The Old Course is the worst golf course I've ever played on!"

The caddy replied, "This isn't the golf course, sir! We left that an hour ago!

A young American golf fanatic six months new to the game decided to make the trip of a lifetime to Scotland, the Holy land of golf. Upon his arrival he quickly headed out to the course and arranged a teetime for a short time later. As per his PGA teaching professional's instructions, he requested and secured the best caddie the course had to offer: Olde Angus, the pride of the links for 53 years.

Happily the young American set off on his dream round but 15 holes later numb and disgusted, 43 strokes over par, he reached over, grabbed his clubs and bag from Olde Angus and tossed them over the cliff into the churning sea below.

Turning to Angus and with the spittle of frustration coming from his mouth he says, "Angus, you are positively the worst caddie on the face of this earth," to which Olde Angus replied "Nay, I dunna think that's possible laddie, it would be far too much of a coincidence."

A Scotsman was playing golf with a church elder. On the last hole the Scotsman missed a six-inch putt which cost him the match but, out of deference to his playing partner's status, he said absolutely nothing. "That," said the elder, "was the most profane silence I have ever heard."

Why are Scotsmen so good at golf? They realise that the fewer times they hit the ball the longer it will last.