Golf Jokes VI

A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity; looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed and driving his partner nuts.

Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the blasted ball."

The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot."

"Forget it, you don't stand a chance of hitting her from here."

The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing.

The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.

The teacher then announced, "Ladies, exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!"

The room got quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand. "Yes?" replied the teacher.

"Is it alright if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"

A fellow goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, everytime I swing my 7 iron I pass this outrageous gas."

He swings the iron in the doctor's office and breaks a loud sound of wind. He swings the 8 iron and nothing, he swings the 6 and nothing.

He swings the 7 again the same loud sound is heard, followed by a very foul smell.

The doctor says,"H'mmmm, an interesting case," and gets up and grabs a long pole laying against the wall.

"What are you going to do with that," the fellow nervously asks, fearing the worst.

"I'm going to open the window and let some air into this room," the Doc replies.

Did you hear the one about the bad tempered golfer who bought a new set of Great Big Bertha Woods?

After playing with them for a couple of rounds he returned to his pro shop and told the pro thet these were the best clubs he had ever played with.

In fact "I can throw these clubs 40 yards further than my old ones" he told the pro.

It was a sunny Saturday morning, and Mike was beginning his pre-shot routine, visualizing his upcoming shot when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker - "Would the gentleman on the Ladies tee please back up to the men's tee, please!"

Mike was still deep in his routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption.

Again the announcement - "Would the man on the women's tee kindly back up the men's tee!"

Mike had had enough. He shouted, "Would the announcer in the clubhouse kindly shut up and let me play my second shot!"

Two golfers were sitting at the 19th hole discussing their games this year when one says to the other, " My game is so bad this year I had to have my Ball Retriever REGRIPPED !"

Watching from the Clubhouse overlooking the 10th green, we saw a foursome approaching.

Having marked their balls, suddenly one of the guys fell down and the three others started a fist fight.

The Golf Captain stormed out from the Club house to separate the fighting men.

"Why are you fighting?" he asked.

"You see," said one of them, "my partner had a stroke and died just now, and these bastards want to include it on the scorecard."