Golf Jokes 2

After finishing their round, two golfers were at the bar having a drink when they overheard two men talking.

"I used to live in Dublin too," said one.

"I moved here when I was 10 too," said the other.

"My last name is O'Leary too."

The two golfers that had heard this conversation, asked the bartender "Who are these guys?

"The bartender replied, "Oh! That's the O'Leary twins, they are just drunk,"

The Pope met with the College of Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Shimon Peres, the former leader of Israel. "Your holiness," said one of the Cardinals, "Mr. Peres wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are superior, by challenging you to a golf match." The Pope was greatly disturbed, as he had never held a golf club in his life.

"Not to worry," said the Cardinal, "we'll call America and talk to Jack Nicklaus. We'll make him a Cardinal, he can play Shimon Peres... We can't lose!" Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made and, of course, Jack was honored and agreed to play.

The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of his success in the match. "I came in second, your Holiness," said Nicklaus.

"Second?!!" exclaimed the surprised Pope. "You came in second to Shimon Peres?!!"

"No," said Nicklaus, "second to Rabbi Woods."

A man and his wife were playing in a mixed foursome. The man hit a great drive down the middle. The wife followed up with the second shot which sliced into the rough.

The husband played a fantastic recovery shot which went onto the green about a yard from the cup. It was the wife's turn and she poked the putt another two yards past the pin.

Undaunted the man lined up the long putt and sank it.

Walking away from the hole the main said to his wife, "We will have to better than than. We took a bogey five.">

The wife replied, "Well, don't blame me, I only took two of the shots."

After a particularly poor game of golf, a golfer was walking to the parking lot to get his car, when a policeman stopped him and asked, "Did you tee off on the sixteenth hole about twenty minutes ago?" "Yes," the golfer responded.

"Did you happen to hook your ball so that it went over the trees and off the course?"

"Yes, I did. How did you know that?" he asked.

"Well," said the policeman very seriously, "Your ball flew out onto the highway and crashed through a driver's windshield. The car went out of control, crashing into five other cars and a fire truck. The fire truck couldn't make it to the fire, and the building burned down. So, what are you going to do about it?"

The golfer thought it over carefully and replied, "I think I'll close my stance a little bit, tighten my grip and lower my right thumb."

A priest, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. "What's with these guys? . The engineer asked, "We must have been waiting for 15 minutes! The doctor replied I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!

The priest said Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they? "

"Oh, yes, that's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group was silent for a moment.

Then the priest said That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

And the engineer wondered aloud "Why can't these guys play at night?"